I came home from my first Yiddish dance class and I could feel my ancestors in the house with me. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and almost felt that I could see their reflection in my eyes. It was too intense, I looked away. I looked back and locked eyes with myself, felt that deep sense of connection that plant medicine can bring, but without the medicine.
“Your culture is your medicine.” This line from a teaching a friend once shared has always stuck with me. I don’t remember who to attribute it to. Our culture was what my ancestors (and so many people’s ancestors) traded for whiteness. Not all at once, it happened slowly.. one generation at a time, leaving an old world behind. A world of treasures. A world of magic. A world of medicine. No one meant to leave it behind, they were working as hard as they could to just survive.
Underneath is a well of anger and despair at what was lost, it feels too big to touch. Anger doesn’t heal. Instead I choose to listen, ear to the ground, to the earth, to my heart, to its beating rhythm. I know they are inside me. Their songs and prayers, herbs and garlic, plants that heal.. their dances, our dances, my dances!! Dances I didn’t know I had until now. As a dancer, this part has brought something to life inside me. Simple steps, simple folk dances, but they are mine.
Today I led our Shule (Sunday school) community in Yiddish dance. Over a hundred people, 2 year olds and teens, 20 something teachers and 40 something parents holding hands and dancing together. Attempting a “Bulgar,” I led us round and round … right, left, right, kick, step, stomp. Circles within circles surrounding the musicians, my ancestor stone bouncing in my pocket with each hop. We danced and danced until almost everyone was too tired to continue. At least 3 times I gave the musicians the signal to stop, but they just kept on playing, and I just kept on dancing. Until sweat poured down my back, until only the most energetic 10 year olds remained, until the ancestors looked down and smiled.
December 2019
