I came home from my first Yiddish dance class and I could feel my ancestors in the house with me. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and almost felt that I could see their reflection in my eyes. It was too intense, I looked away. I looked back and locked eyes with myself, felt that deep sense of connection that plant medicine can bring, but without the medicine.
“Your culture is your medicine.” This line from a teaching a friend once shared has always stuck with me. I don’t remember who to attribute it to. Our culture was what my ancestors (and so many people’s ancestors) traded for whiteness. Not all at once, it happened slowly.. one generation at a time, leaving an old world behind. A world of treasures. A world of magic. A world of medicine. No one meant to leave it behind, they were working as hard as they could to just survive.
Underneath is a well of anger and despair at what was lost, it feels too big to touch. Anger doesn’t heal. Instead I choose to listen, ear to the ground, to the earth, to my heart, to its beating rhythm. I know they are inside me. Their songs and prayers, herbs and garlic, plants that heal.. their dances, our dances, my dances!! Dances I didn’t know I had until now. As a dancer, this part has brought something to life inside me. Simple steps, simple folk dances, but they are mine.
Today I led our Shule (Sunday school) community in Yiddish dance. Over a hundred people, 2 year olds and teens, 20 something teachers and 40 something parents holding hands and dancing together. Attempting a “Bulgar,” I led us round and round … right, left, right, kick, step, stomp. Circles within circles surrounding the musicians, my ancestor stone bouncing in my pocket with each hop. We danced and danced until almost everyone was too tired to continue. At least 3 times I gave the musicians the signal to stop, but they just kept on playing, and I just kept on dancing. Until sweat poured down my back, until only the most energetic 10 year olds remained, until the ancestors looked down and smiled.
December 2019
Jen Kiok
Jen Kiok (she/her/hers) reaches for justice through her work as an educator, a community leader, a mom and a partner. She currently serves as the Executive Director for Boston Workers Circle, Center for Jewish Culture and Social Change. Jen is a Hebrew Priestess in training, co-conspiring with her ancestors on the path to collective liberation.
