I was at an event yesterday and there was a discussion about advocacy. It was defined essentially as meeting with the “right” people, at the “right” time, with the “right” message.
I left feeling puzzled and wondering: What is right? How do we define it? Does everyone define right the same way? How do you know what the right time is? Who decides what (and who) right is?
All this focus on “rightness” seems to me, at best, to be a trap. A trap for believing there is a right person, place, thing to say and time to say it. What if we shifted our practice to one where we value EVERY person as right and interact with them accordingly? What if we relieved ourselves of the nonsensical burden of having to say the right thing and of believing we could possibly ever know or measure what the right thing is? Wouldn’t that also allow us to listen more instead of approaching every conversation as one where we have to be right?
And right time – we wait for the right moment but what if the time never comes? What if all the waiting keeps us from saying and stumbling and making all the mistakes necessary to evolve? The belief in the right message keeps many of us silent. And silence is killing us. What if we remembered that the only moment any of us actually has is NOW. In that sense, it is always the “right” time.
At worst, this approach of getting it (and who) “right” all the time is the result of, and a reinforcing mechanism to white supremacy, patriarchy, and capitalism, or just plain hierarchy and power structures. Because the right people tend to be the ones in power and the ones in power have historically been a homogenous group of people. We reinforce the concentration of power by believing that there are “right” people.
Even if we shift the power and have more diversity, then eventually those people will be full of power because they are now the “right” people. It maintains us versus them; it maintains haves and haves nots. And most of us are them … waiting for the people in power to hear us. Or trusting a few others between us and them to do our bidding. Just a few people become the holders of the keys to power and the rest of us are on the ground disconnected, feeling the frustration, wanting something different but believing we aren’t “right” and told it’s not the “right” time, and we are left fighting for the “right” time and for new “right” people.
How does this cycle end? It ends with either letting go of “right” or embracing the fact that all of us are the “right” people, at just the “right” time. Maybe it’s both. It means the “right” people might not be likable. They might seem “different” than us. The “right” people may have another agenda. It means letting go of an agenda and better yet, making the agenda focused on building and connecting with all the “right” people around us.
It means we let go of the “right” message and just SPEAK. And, more importantly, LISTEN. Even if we don’t know what to say or how to say it. Even if we are afraid to say the wrong thing or afraid that what feels right to say might hurt someone. We share. We offer. We trust that all of it is “right” when we are willing to practice with the aim of learning and growing. From here, my sense is that we will find a whole lot more is possible for everyone.
Jessica Ridge
Jess Ridge brings a diverse background of community organizing, policy, play, meditation, and political experience everywhere she goes. She is the East Coast Partnerships Director for the Family Independence Initiative, a national nonprofit (re)distributing millions of dollars to families living with low-incomes, while also uplifting the social capital that exists within their communities. Jess Ridge was Boston City Councilor At-Large Ayanna Pressley’s partner in good (aka Chief of Staff and Policy Director) for eight years. In addition to executing major policy initiatives, she brought play and meditation to City Hall. She practices Ashtanga yoga and loves hiking, channeling her inner 5 year old, and facilitating meditation and white affinity groups.
